Truth, Lies & the Gut Checks That Set You Free to Love Yourself – Sovereignty in Relationships (Episode 27)

Know and Love Yourself Before You Love Another

Let’s talk about the one relationship that quietly shapes them all: the one you have with yourself.

In this episode of Sip Tea with Me, I pulled back the curtain on how our deepest wounds—and the stories we build around them—shape our romantic patterns, our people-pleasing tendencies, our self-worth, and even our success.

This is personal. This is truth. This is liberation.

I opened up about losing my father to suicide and not knowing that truth until much later. That kind of loss is hard enough—but the not knowing created this need in me to protect myself at all costs. To become hyper-independent. To never need anyone again. To armor up and call it strength.

I also shared how, when my mom remarried and had two more children, I watched her shift. I watched her light up for them in a way that felt unfamiliar to me. And even though I love my siblings and adore my mom, I felt like I was fading into the background of her new life. That taught me early on that being independent, capable, and low-maintenance was how I’d get love—or at least how I’d avoid being hurt again.

So what did I do?

I built a life that let me stay in control.

I chose a career where I was in charge. I became the one who knew what to do, who could handle anything. And I picked relationships—long-distance ones, emotionally unavailable partners—that gave me the illusion of connection without requiring me to really open my heart.

The gut punch came when I met the Candy Man.

He was magnetic, charming, and everything I thought I wanted. But somewhere along the way, I stopped hearing my own voice. I leaned into his world so hard that I lost my rhythm, my rituals, my sense of self. And the more I tried to keep the connection alive, the more disconnected I became from myself.

I look back now and I see the pattern. I had woven so many beliefs about love being conditional, about needing to prove I was worthy, about shrinking so I wouldn’t be too much. But every heartbreak, every red flag I ignored, every time I knew better but stayed anyway—it was all trying to lead me back to myself.

These lessons? They became my superpowers.

I found my truth again by following the breadcrumbs of what lit me up. Dancing. Traveling. Being with friends who see me. Studying with spiritual mentors. Reading books that cracked my heart wide open. Journaling my way back to clarity.

It wasn’t quick. It wasn’t always graceful. But it was mine.

I could have been more patient. I could have been more curious. I could have walked away sooner. But hindsight isn’t here to shame you—it’s here to sharpen you.

I share all of this because I want more for you.

More joy. More sovereignty. More self-trust, sooner. I want you to skip the years of pretending and walk boldly into your own rhythm, your own truth, your own power.

Because the sooner we come home to ourselves, the sooner we rise. And when we rise, the collective shifts.

You don’t need to be perfect to be powerful. You don’t need to be fearless to be free. You just need to be honest—with yourself first.

Your truth is not too much.

Your gut knows the difference between love and a lesson.

You are not here to perform—you are here to bloom.

And if this episode lit a fire in you, come bloom with us in Mexico at La Vida Sagrada. The sacred sisterhood, the ocean, the full moon, the rituals—it’s all waiting for you.

You can find all the details, grab your free Journal for Transformation and Self-Discovery, and more at www.lisaschoenthal.com.

Journal Prompts

Where have you ignored your gut to keep someone else comfortable?What did your past relationships teach you about your needs, your worth, or your truth?How can you begin to trust your intuition more deeply—starting today?

Affirmations

I honor the truth of my body, my heart, and my soul.I release relationships that no longer support my growth.I trust myself to love deeply without losing who I am.I am free to choose love that feels aligned, expansive, and true.

With love and truth,Lis xo